shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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