Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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