i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
