My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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