As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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