You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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