Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
