Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
