while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
