So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
