tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
