Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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