You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
