You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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