Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
