I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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