True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
