nutella sex= disaster
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
