If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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