garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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