Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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