found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
