I puked a lego.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
