I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
