separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
