dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
