I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
