His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
