I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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