She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
