Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
