What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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