It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
