I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
