Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Randomize
