Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
