home. puking in laundry basket.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
