toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
