Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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