Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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