I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
