The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
