also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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