And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
