You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
