happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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