Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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