I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
