Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize