I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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