I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Who died my cat blue again?
I touched a dick in church today
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
